Saturday, January 31, 2004
Well, what do you know. It turns out one of my old friends is in the Miss Finland 2004 finale. Feels rather strange. But I always said she was a beauty under all the make-up.
I guess this means I can't skip watching the darn thing this year.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Vilja came to talk to me this morning, which was really nice. Haven't talked to her.. I guess in three years! Didn't have time to talk much since my grammar lecture was about to start but we swapped phone numbers and agreed to go out for coffee later or something. I'm really looking forward to it, I always liked her.
Also, as I've been saying a lot lately, I need new friends. New Joensuu friends to be spesific. Not that there's anything wrong with the ones I've got now but I think it'd be nice to have someone not from the school environment. Not saying that they couldn't be from the university or even the same faculty, just not first year English students.. it's nice to let the steam out and rant about stupid lectures and stuff, but it'd be nice to get away from all that every once in a while.
Plus, I think it tells a lot about the situation if people (like Virpi) ask can they sit next to me or am I reserving the seats for Suvi and Jaakko. Oh deeeeear..
S+J tried to get me and Kari exchange phone numbers yesterday so that we could go to Fever tonight (or possibly tomorrow). I could very well imagine the conversation..
Hanna: can I have your number?
Kari: No.
Hanna: But what if I need it some day?
Kari: No.
Told this to Kari. He laughed, said "right" and that was the end of the conversation.
We did hang out for 20 minutes or so afterwards though and that was majorly weird as we were actually in FilmTown. I don't think I've ever seen him outside school (except in Christmas party and such). Ah, anyway. Asked him if he knew what this girl, who apparently is also an English major, is called.
Kari: I'm so bad with the names! Describe.
Hanna: Petite. Black hair.
Kari: She could be.. is she.. could she be the Hanna-Maija chick?
Hanna: Right. Hmm.
*five long seconds later*
Hanna: Hold on, that Hanna-Maija chick is me!
Don't know which one of us was more embarrassed..
Using only one party of your first name takes you to many entertaining situations.
Got an energy rush today and organised all my notes to a folder. Go me. Also read about 60 pages of Huckleberry Finn. Only 90 more to go.. I think I'll have it read by Monday, against all odds.
This energy rush also involved me deciding to sign up for the Introduction to Art Studies exam, which is on the 13th. Need to get the course books tomorrow. Gaaah.. three more books. Like I didn't have enough reading already.
Have caught a cold again. Blast. Head buzzing.. and my teeth tell me I've got temperature. Lovely.
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Woke up this morning surprisingly easily and literally jumped out of the bed. Toilet, clothes, make-up - check. Went to kitchen to make breakfast and realised that I was going to take the 07:52 bus and vaguely remembered the time being :42 when I woke up. Panicked and ran to see the time. 04:47am. And so I went back to bed.
Of course when the alarm went off at 07:10, I couldn't get up and finally got out of the bed 20 minutes too late and almost missed my bus. Oh well. Luckily I had my make-up on already ;)
I just wonder if I'm stressing about waking up so early or what.. hm.
Finally went to Cafe Kruunu for those celebration waffles today. Very nice and very expensive. But it's not every week you hear you've got 2 in the phonetics exam. I also kept making other excuses for celebration.. surprisingly many things have happened on the 29th of any month. Today's the day, for example, when I turn 21 years and 4 months. It was also exactly 4 months ago that our pronunciation classes started.
Oh, and it's 365 more days until Nick Carter's next birthday (hooray for the leap year).
Decided to be a Good Student today and read the next unit of grammar for tomorrow. It turns out that our book doesn't have a unit concerning articles! What??! Did my grammar homework instead. And I've haven't been exactly lazy today either. Spent 90 minutes in the library reading An Illustrated History of Britain and making notes. Considering it's me we're talking about, that is definitely saying something. Thought about going back tomorrow after school.. woaah!
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
H.A.N.N.A.M.A.I.J.A.: Hydraulic Artificial Nullification and Negotiation Android/Machine Assembled for Infiltration and Justified Assassination. (from here)
here we go again where every direction leads to pain and the one left is the one I'm most certain I don't want to go
Check.
Call it late teen angst if you will, I choose not to care.
Oh the beautiful, tired tears.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
What a day. Never again.
ps. phonetics results came in, got 2. I am the brain. Time for a waffle.
Monday, January 26, 2004
Just took a shower, glanced down and there they were. My feet. Lard, they're huge. I always knew I had big feet but really, they look absolutely ridiculous. Especially with my ankles, which are rather tiny. Two vast lumps with toes.. I wonder if they perform foot reducing surgery.
Didn't see Suvi at school today so she came over in the evening. Then I gave her a 45-minute monologue on my weekend. I didn't even realise that many things had happened. Anyway.. even though she keeps saying my monologues are entertaining, I'm constantly fearing that one day she'll be sick of me and never talks to me again.
Better make most of it until then. :)
*silence*
Hanna: jag säger farväl till dig och hoppas att du någon vacker dag förstår..
Jaakko: Whaaaaat?
Hanna: Every now and then there is a Swedish song inside me that wants to get out.
That keeps happening nowadays. Yesterday morning I was walking home, feeling tired. Then suddenly I heard myself going cheerily "du har dina tricks, jag vet - du försöker men du kommer aldrig nära mig..". Weirdness. I know me re-discovering Elva Steg has a lot to do with the phenomenon but it still scares me a little.
Had a longish discussion about the Eurovision song contest with Kari today. He seems to be full of surprises.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Yesterday was a Good day with a capital G. Can’t remember when I last had that nice day out.. Milla and me had a cultural Helsinki day. First we had lattes and brie sandwiches at Café Lasipalatsi, then went to see Good Bye Lenin (which was excellent), had salads in Manala, went to see a dance performance in Teak and then saw E+E and Kaisa in Teatteriravintola.
Later I bought red wine in Ruukki to avoid the culture shock (it was a harsh snap back to reality, let me tell you) and that turned out to be yet another unfortunate mistake. Oh well. Stains, stains..
Had a text message conversation with Emmu last night and I realised that basically everything I dislike about my life has something to do with my bar life or the occasional lack of it. Seems like a good time to think things through. If I just could be bothered..
It was fun seeing Joanna yesterday though. Usually when I see her, we just exchange a few sentences and that’s it. Last night gave a good chance for brainless chit chat.
I keep hearing Jaakko’s voice in my head saying ”chatter, chatter”. Scary.
Woke up from Pekka’s floor this morning and had a brief panic moment since I couldn’t quite locate myself. Uncomfortable 2 seconds or so..
I hate coming home in the morning after being somehwere else for the night. The cheesy quoestions drive me nuts.. This morning I was lucky though. Jussi thought I’d been out for a walk or something. Mum knew better though.. ”First things first, wheeeeeere have you been until now?”.. Busted. Not that it matters really.
Bought two shirts and a jacket yesterday. Ooops. But once again, true bargain. 25e of them all. Still. Ooops.
Can’t skip commenting Good Bye Lenin entirely (or just with one sentence). What a gem! I had a pretty good feeling I’d like it but it was so much better I’d ever have believed. It was jsut.. wow. The ending was so well made. One minute you’re laughing and the next crying. And that’s when the lights are turned out. And you just sit there, baffled, trying not to cry your eyes out because it would feel silly. Beautiful ones like this make watching films worth it all.
Need. A. Shower.
Edit: is it just mum's computer or is the text way too wide? Don't have the energy to fix it now..
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Random thoughts day.
Wonderful art from this week's linguistic lectures 1, 2 and 3.
Yesterday I just somehow started thinking the phrase "what is the meaning of this?!" and suddenly missed Jade terribly. Then I watched Grease and missed her even more.
ps. I still think Greased Lightning is possibly the most perfect scene in a musical the world has ever seen.
Bought new trousers today. Didn't mean to, but somehow I just found myself at the counter of Lindex buying them. It's alright really, they were on sale. The orginal price was 39.95e and I got them for 7.95e but I still felt really bad afterwards. Then me and Suvi made up for it by having lunch at Hesburger. Basic logic.
The original reason for our shopping spree, however, was to buy Suvi a vacuum cleaner. Found one that was cheap, small and cute. She bought it and felt really mature. It's funny how buying things like vacuum cleaners and cheese slicers can make you feel really old all of a sudden.
Nice contrast. Someone just asked me how old I was again. I said -4. They, can't remember who it was, said it seemed fair enough. Hmmm.. I guess I need a filter to keep most of those stupid jokes and silly behaviour in order.
Says the girl who today hid behind a vending machine and thought it was brilliant.
I woke up today 30 minutes too late and rushed to the toilet. On my way there, at 7:16am, I saw Miia putting away our spare bed in the kitchen. That alone would've been strange enough but she was also bald. Surreal morning moments.
What's the difference between the limited edition crazy peanut Snickers and the regular one? We couldn't figure it out.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
I am Nothing!
Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?
(I'm very well aware that the image is too wide. You just couldn't read the text if the image was smaller. And I was too lazy to write it myself. And now this looks ugly. Cannot cope.)
Cheesewoman? Hmm. Why not! Movie version of Batman ended up having two sidekicks, why couldn't I? Ultimate coolness.
It turns out Bruce's not coming back from his sick leave yet. Blast.
Instead we got this new teacher and already after one 90-minute lesson I can tell she's going to be legendary. Really. There you have a person who's done their PhD in the US, lived there for 20 or so years and still beats Jopi. Unbeliavable. She's only got one variant of "s" and keeps saying things like "with the student grant it's hard to make meets ends" and "thanks goodness". There's university education for you.
Oh well. Maybe she was just nervous, let's give her time.
Except that I don't want to. She kept picking on me through the whole 90 minutes. I guess it was a mistake to say I like both writing and oral expression because now she likes me. But I feel for Väinö, he had it even worse than I did.
I was randomly babbling how I don't like Joensuu to Satu before poetry and she got all defensive. She also gave me a good speech how I can't leave the place. Apparently all I have to do is to get a place from the town centre. Or anything else. Just as long as I don't leave. Okay...
You know how brochures always have these cards attached saying "yes, send me further information on xxxxx"? Today we (well, I, wow..) got an idea of these cards that would just say "yes, send me further information" and then space for your address. Then you'd fill it out and send it and in a few days you'd get a card saying "dog's spit is cleaner than human's" or some equivalent.
We developed a whole big institution based on this idea. It could be a text message service. Each message containing Further Information would cost 50 cents or something and tadah, we'd be rich in an instant. Couldn't run it alone of course.. but as noticed today, Jaakko's head contains vast amount of wonderful knowledge ("chocolate can neutralize acid") and if I took Suvi in, too, it'd be a success. Liking the plan.
Monday, January 19, 2004
The second part of the TV movie we almost were extras for was just on telly. It wasn't the time to become famous for us yet but apparently it was for Milla's old car. Seat Malaga forever.
Woke up today hating the world. Maybe the fact I couldn't sleep last night and just heard Juha's voice in my head saying mean things to me had something to do with it. Don't know where the hell that Juha thing came from, couldn't get it out of my head. To quote Jaakko's friend Niko: I'm hearing voices, I must be going mad.
Superlesbian finally has an arch nemesis. And it's way cooler than J-Man's bridge. From now on my raison d'être is to prevent the evil-doings of Magnet-Minna. Wonderful! Also, my sidekick is finally starting understand my authority. Long live, G.
We sat in this trendy cafe for 90 minutes today. Had a very expensive latte and am now feeling most guilty. Out of us three, I'm the one that is most likely to hang out in such places but still Suvi and Jaakko managed to look very convincing in that environment and I was, once again, sticking out so much it would've been sad if it wasn't that funny. Oh well. Don't know how it served the original purpose (to cheer me up for good) but it was a fun moment to share. We talked about music mainly, which is weird because we're, well, us.
Jaakko: It's strange how you know so much about Limp Bizkit but absolutely nothing about Korn.
Hanna: ... there's been circumstances.
The shame!
Not the fact that I know aboslutely nothing about Korn but the fact that I do know a lot about Limp Bizkit.
Then we classified different types of nerds and put ourselves to the scale. Go us.
I've been thinking about the whole website deal and once again I'm feeling like closing them all down. Most of my sites I really don't care for and can't be bothered to even really think about them. What am I getting out of all this anyway? Fuck it.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Sleep = good.
Haven't done anything this weekend apart from sleeping and e-mailing everyone I've ever met. Since Thursday I've written 17 long letter-like e-mails. I don't even want to count all the two-liners and other short ones I've sent. But this is nice. I've even e-mailed Tanja a few times. It was about time. I've been meaning to since August 2002!
More miraculous things: I went out on Friday night. In Joensuu! I got sick and tired of not having any life here whatsoever and dragged Heidi out with me. We were going to go to the local Irish pub because there was jam session thingie again but you have to be 20 to get there during the weekends, Heidi, turning 20 in September, didn't want to try. So we went to Fever instead. Mmm.. cheap pints and strange people.
Or not so very strange. They were the Kari kind. Me and Heidi stuck out like sore thumbs and because we didn't know anyone (apart from Sara who didn't even say hello), we left after an hour and a half. But the first step has been taken, you never know where I'll end up..
Did I just use the expression "stick out like sore thumbs"?! Sweet cheese.
Should I go to Mikkeli some weekend? I've been thinking that ever since J-P moved there a year ago but now I know even more people who live there. Anita moved there in August and Titta a week ago. It'd be great to see those two. Plus I don't think I've ever been there. Experiences, experiences..
If I had the money I'd also go to see Tanja in Rauma and Hellu in Turku (Hellu was in Karkkila today.. she's always there when I'm not, evil). And everyone in Helsinki. Blast. Maybe during the summer then.. It just seems so far away. I want to go now!
But maybe I could start by visiting Riia. She's only an hour away from me after all.
Had a nice start for the day. Me and Emppu sent rhyming text messages all Tuesday and today when I woke up, I noticed she'd sent me one in the middle of the night again. So I replied and then we continued all morning. It's a nice change.. especially when the matters discussed aren't the most important ever (ie. whichever guy she's happened to notice lately).
All in all, it's been a good phone day. People have been phoning me because it's cheap again for them today. Sonera's 1 euro days have reached the point where I'm talking to dad one the phone for 15 minutes about dishes you can make of minced meat and which brand of soya beans is cheaper than the rest. Don't mind though.. I'm feeling very talkative because I haven't talked to anyone apart from Hanna and Miia in person today. It'll be pain to shut me up tomorrow for the 45 minutes that is the fiction lecture.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Me and Jaakko decided to become superheroes (surely Joensuu is big enough for both of us). So far we only have names.. He's J-Man and I'm Superlesbian (looking for a new name though). He's way cooler than me. He's got an arch nemesis already and I'm yet to find mine! The uncool thing is that his arch nemesis is a bridge..
We're also lacking costumes and cool sidekicks. He was thinking of making his friend Niko a sidekick. I was considering Kari.. everytime there'd be a tricky situation - but not tricky enough to require my super powers (which I'm still to discover) - he'd appear, open his ponytail, wiggle his very shiny hair and run his hands through it. Great.
We were already planning crossover comics and other wonderful things.. "Ah! My super powers have been temporarily paralyzed. I cannot handle this on my own. I will have to call J-Man! Kari, fetch my 3210!" I wonder who'd play me in Superlesbian the Movie. :)
Snapping back to reality..
Sat next to Hlynur during linguistics lecture this morning!! Extremely odd. After I got over the worst shock I realised he's not nearly as cool we thought he was. Blast. We need a new target to idolize.
Minna and Suvi got into this small verbal fight today because Suvi "accidentally" called me and Minna old yesterday. Technically Minna said it first but...
Suvi: Because you two are so old and infirm.
Hanna: Hey!
Suvi: Minna said so herself! No hold on, she said you're old and mean.
Hanna: What?! That's it, I've had it.
Suvi: What?
Hanna: Old and infirm???!
That's the background. Anyway. After they'd fought a little while Suvi said she'll tell her mother Minna was teasing her. I told her it's no use because Minna would tell her husband. Then we pictured Suvi's mum and Joel in a fist fight.. hmm.. Then I realised that the whole things doesn't really even concern me because unfortunately I have no one to tell and thus will have to wallow in my own sorrow if someone happens to insult me. Jaakko volunteered but he wouldn't be too convincing in a fhight situation, would he? I think I have more muscle than he does..
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Still alive. Then again, the exam might be over but the results aren't here yet. No essays or term definitions, only excercise-like things. The first four I could handle but then it was all guessing. I hope it's a pass though (and better than 1½ because I don't want to go to the re-sit) so that I could stop thinking about fricatives, plosives, affricates, sibilants and the likes.
Teehee.. I'm not the only one who's been on the edge of sanity because of the exam lately. I tried to encourage Suvi after poetry yesterday.. "Thou shalt not fail." That gave me some really beautiful ideas. I half-seriously considred standing on the way of people going to the exam, with a bucket on my head, saying "none shall pass". Just for the fun of it. I think I need a hobby.
I'm listening to old socialist songs and feel silly.
Jaakko solved the Dumle cocoa enigma. Apparently it's Vesseli, only the name has changed (and it tastes worse). How boring. And very unfair to mislead people to think there might be some extra toffee taste there. Blagh.
First British studies lecture today. My turn in the spotlight! For the first time ever I opened my mouth during any lecture (if we forget the time when I thought Roy was accusing me of making faces when he was, in fact, talking to Kari). I knew that November the 5th is Guy Fawkes Day and didn't that make me feel clever? A real brain, that's me.
But I love John! He's like the male versions of Patricia Routledge and my old Finnish teacher from high school put together. It's a shame we only have 12 lectures.. he sounds like a lot of fun.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Kari introduced me to Darwin Awards today. Addictive.. And he was right. Spend enough time there and you start to question your own sense of humour.
He's finally starting to loosen up around us. Good. I suspected he had serious potential to do silly imitations, sound effects and tell bad jokes. But today's demonstration of a person eating liver nailed it. Now I've decided I like him (for now anyway.. until he starts being all mean again). Though after he had gone, me and Jaakko came to the conclusion that while he enjoys giving his silly nerd side a go, he's a bit ashamed of us too. Then again, so am I.
I'm still a bit baffled but in a way it's good to be here. I've missed being shitty with style.
Following Liisa's advice, I bought Dumle cocoa today (I ran out of my beloved Cadbury's - noooo!). Hmm.. I don't get it. How is it meant to be so special? Tastes like regular cocoa to me. But I'm just a cocoa amateur. Maybe I should trust pros like Liisa.
Back to school things. Haven't seen the Black Sweater Guy yet which is way beyond weird. Where is he?? To compensate, however, Hlynur keeps appearing everywhere. And where he isn't, the brown haired girl he hangs out with is! She sat in front of me on today's linguistics lecture even.
And mentioning that lecture.. AAAAAAAGH!
Am I supposed to understand any of it? Samu told me how that course is one of the best ever and the lecturer is brilliant. And now it turns out there's a new lecturer this year and he speaks so fast that althgouh it's Finnish, I can't understand a word he's saying. Interesting. It was getting pretty desperate after 30 minutes or so..
My stomach's hurt like hell for several days now. I think I might have to mention it to the doctor when I finally get there.. YTHS does check-ups for all the first years but I have no idea when my appointment will be. Hopefully soon. I can't be bothered to get an appointment with a regular doctor (especially when I would have to do that in Karkkila and it would get very difficult).
Didn't sleep much last night. I actually did have nightmares (but not about the irc gallery thingies, heh). Very distressing. Woke up and kept telling myself they weren't true but it was no help. Hoping for better dreams for tonight. I need the sleep or the phonetics exam will kill me.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Well, what do you know. The TV film we almost were extras for in May was on telly tonight. It was a two-parter so I will have to watch it next week too. Just to see if Anu's ponytail is in the picture.
I ought to be sleeping as I have very early morning tomorrow but something's keeping me awake. Why? Most annoying. Then again, maybe it's good. I just surfed the irc gallery to kill boredom and found some really disturbing things. Disturbing on personal level that is. Not that I'm fearing nightmares or anything but still.
What I do actually fear is that I will dream about things such as "he `´SAID he would be HERE by `FIVE" :| I really don't want to take the phonetics exam but half of me is wishing Wednesday would be over already. I hate these last two days before the exam.
The notes have some funny things though.. Mindless scribbling and conversations. Suvi's got most of the good stuff but I've got this..
Hanna: AERH!
Suvi: "relax"
Hanna: don't do it...
Suvi: MUGATU!
Hanna: well you've got to have some respect for the man who invented the piano-tie...
Nebula's got new stats system and I don't like it.. I miss the old one. I don't check my stats very often, not even once a month usually, so it doesn't make a big difference but because I'm in the mood for being whiny, I'm complaining.
More complaints: I got another e-mail concerning Tiina's birthday party. Do I want to go? Hell, no. Am I considering it? Unfortunately yes. I'll probably end up not going because it won't be a happy occasion anyway.. Tiina's idea of a good night out differs from mine a bit too much. Our worlds are so different.. I don't even want to pretend I like hers. And I know she doesn't like mine either so what's the point?
Once again avecs are welcome and I think that is included in the invitation only so that we'd feel bad when we don't have anyone to take. Not that I'd take anyone anyway.. or then I would really have to dislike the person. Or then I could hire someone. It would save me from the conversation we have every single time.
Tiina: How's your love life lately?
Hanna: I'm feeling fine, thank you for asking.
Aergh!
Why is there anti-hangover shower gel for men but not women? Most unfair. "Brings you to life no matter how short the night was." Might be useful.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Woo-hoo! A road trip! (no, not really)
Milla, dad and me in a car for hours (8 or so if you include all the stops and stuff) could be a nightmare but it was surprisingly painless. Of course it would've been better if I'd slept more the previous night. Or at all.
Fact: I've woken up in four different places within the past 27 hours. This is half miraculous because of those 27 hours, I've only slept 8. I'm getting really good at this.
Dad being dad, he wouldn't even consider staying at my place for the night so he booked a hotel room. Hmm.. maybe it's for the better, the thought of him staying here sounds way too weird. Plus he treated us to a nice hotel breakfast this morning. When you can eat anything and all you want, you usually try to make the most of it. I'm quite proud of us, we were really level-headed this time. The fruit salad was nice though. And the orange juice. The good things in life aren't always the expensive ones.
Now that Milla and dad have left, I'm a bit lost. I know I should concentrate on phonetics but can't. I've been gone for four weeks but it feels like I'd never left. The only way you can tell I haven't been here is the state of the flat. Christ.. Hanna and Miia haven't come back yet so I'm to tidy this all up by myself. I think Miia's been the last person to leave.. The kitchen looks like it's been bombed and naturally she forgot to take the trash out. Lovely.
Not that I mind being here. I just don't care. At least the room I'm staying in looks like me. Being surrounded by all this random stuff makes me feel safe. What I miss already is the people. I wish Emmu would phone already, I want to talk to someone, especially her. She said she'd phone me bazillion (or five) times today because its practically free for her on Sundays. Why haven't I got Sonera?
Yesterday I got messages from both Joanna and Matti last night asking they'd see me in Ruukki. On Friday I got a message from Mirva asking if I'd go to Jokela with her and Riia. It seems like I'm always in the wrong town. Oh well. Movie night did do me good even if Just Married was the king of bad romatic comedies..
Trees look like they're from a postcard.
Edit: I was thinking.. Leaving is not usually difficult for me. I don't particularly like it but it's just something to be done, I don't mind it. So. I think it's pretty unfortunate that twice during the past week I've somehow managed to put myself into the position where leaving is extremely hard. Twice. Wednesday was just a big tear fest but yesterday made me feel really bad in different way. Not sad, just plain bad.
Still haven't touched the phonetics notes. But then again, it's past noon now. Siwa is open. Surely food shopping is way more important.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
I don't get it. How can things make such a perfect sense while making no sense at all? Even with the Monday confusion, everything was alright. Then came yesterday. Wow.. Umm. Let's skip the bad things and go straight to the good.
Mikko is a sweetie. Really. He's the best Mikko I've ever met. And now it's once again killing me we don't see more often. Leaving was terrible. Had Emmu not been there, I probably would've cried the whole way back. Luckily she was. The whole day would've been just bad without her but I think it went the other way round too. And where did the good things go? Blast. I'm not too good at this..
The play was good. Or I don't know if the play was good as a text but, in general, I liked it. Kind of made me want to get on stage again.. But that always happens. I'll get over it. Funniest thing happened though. Mikko told us where the best seats were and when we went in, there were only two seats left in the end of the row. I asked if we could sit there and who did I find myself sitting next to? Teppo from Lahti.
Me: Teppo, right?
Him: Yes. But who are you??
It was a nice moment. We talked a little while before and after the play and during the intermission too. Never talked to him in Lahti but now felt sort of obliged to. Not that I mind, he seemed very nice when the terrible awkward feeling disappeared. He thought it was a funny coinsidence us both being there but I wouldn't say so.. we were both there to see a friend (the same one even). It would've been more of a coinsidence if Jade had been there too. Mikko told me she was there before Christmas because her friend's boyfriend is also in the play.
Bought a nice new bra yesterday. And the coolest knickers. Of course, they don't match but who cares? I've got a theory that feeling good begins from nice underwear. Didn't buy anything else though.. me and Emmu ran around the shops looking for these particular fishnets I want but couldn't find them. Nor a new shirt. Oh well, maybe later. It's not the end of the world.
Overslept this morning.. I was supposed to be at the office of the local newspaper at 9am for a small interview and I really was awake at 8 thinking how nice it is not to be in a hurry. The next thing I understood was that Johanna was phoning me at 9:05.
Her: Not sleeping, are you?
Me: Fuk!
I think I beat my own speed record, though. I was there in three minutes, fully dressed. Looking sleepy, maybe, babbling all sorts of nonsense, surely, extremely embarrassed, most definitely, but I was there.
I'm just a bit worried.. I'm the person who's always 20 minutes too early. But nowadays I'm always at least 5 minutes late, usually more. And the oversleeping thing keeps happening more and more. It's not like me. It's not the way I function. What is happening?
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Mother!
Oh deeeear.. I honestly don't know what she thinks of me. I haven't got any reputation, as far as I know anyway, but apparently she thinks I'm with everyone everywhere.. Argh.. My favourite conversation today:
Me: I'm going to Helsinki tomorrow.
Her: How come?
Me: Got a date with Mikko at 2pm and will go to see his play in the evening.
Her: Mikko was the curtain person, right?
Me: No, that's Esa. (easy for her to confuse those two, I understand that)
Her: Right, that one...
So everything's easier for me if I pretend to have an affair with the whole world. Neat.
Apart from this it's been a better day. Except the 15 minutes I spent feeling like the most pathetic loser that's ever walked the earth. Then I phoned Suvi. It turns out she's lost with the phonetics notes as well. We decided Jaakko can teach us everything we need to know in three days.
I've eaten so many tomatoes lately I don't think I ever want to see one again. Weird. I will move on to carrots then.
Woke up (way too late again) with Muse's Time Is Running Out stuck in my head and, lo and behold!, it's stayed there the whole day.. My fault really. Sang it to Emilia yesterday but there was no way I could resist.
Her: It seems like your time is running out!
Me: Bury it, I won't let you bury it, I won't let you smother it, I won't let you murder it!
Her: Huh?
Went to the studio to listen to Milla's song (and the other ones that have already been recorded). It sounds really good now.. Once again I'm kicking myself for giving up all my musicla instruments. Milla promised me her old guitar but I know myself. I won't have the patience anyway. Even if it would be very cool to be the girl who speaks Chinese and plays the oboe..
Monday, January 05, 2004
Don't know if the reality hit or what.. for the past three weeks I've lived in a happy holiday fog but today everything's been just plain bad. Read two units of phonetics but understood basically nothing. Right when I decided I needed a break from it, mum and Jussi walked in. I thought they weren't coming until tomorrow.. And in 20 minutes, WW3 was about to begin. Panicked and phoned Emilia. We sat at Eki's for 90 minutes or so and then I went to Masuuni with E+E. Now I'm at Milla's and am fearing to go home. Argh.
Haven't talked too much today. And approximately every fifth word I've been able to say has been "perkele".
Plus I've been about to cry all day. Emppu asked if we could finally move into the neighbour dwells. I'm liking this plan too. Though we can't do it before Wednesday, agreed to see Mikko then (more re-scheduling, hooray). At least I've got something to look forward to.
I think I need Samu's company but picking up the phone seems like the most difficult task ever. So I guess I'll stay here and watch telly. Again.
Don't know if it's the current mood or what but I keep forgetting whether I've sent text messages I've just written or not. After the fourth time in an hour, Emmu set my phone's delievery reports on. Don't like them but I think the way things are going they're for the best.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Aaaa.. this staying awake all night and then sleeping from 8am until noon doesn't suit me. Tried to read A Scarlet Letter this afternoon but fell asleep (only for 45 minutes or so) and now when I should go to bed I'm not sleepy at all. Can't concentrate on reading either, though. Blast.
The thought of starting to study for the phonetics & phonology exam tomorrow scares me too. Argh.. why couldn't the exam be before Christmas?
Re-scheduled my week. Won't leave for Joensuu until Saturday afternoon, which suits me better than Friday morning anyway. Now I can go to Helsinki to see Mikko (and his play) on Thursday. Wooooo.. I already feared I wouldn't have time to see him at all. And that would've been the end of the world. Near anyway..
Milla, Mika and me just watched Fellowship of the Ring. Haven't seen it for a year. It's funny how I still remember most of the lines and the order of scenes and things. Obviously, during the worst times of LotR obsession, I saw the film once or twice too many :) But now Milla's a Sean Bean fan as well. Close-up on Boromir in Moria. Milla: ooo, but he is very handsome!
That amuses me..
Had a funny tipsy last night. It felt like the worst drunk ever but nobody else noticed it. And it passed soon (luckily). Then I was just tired and hungry. Hm. Also, wine is still in the top 3 of Hanna's forbidden beverages.
But almost ate Emilia's head last night, I swear. Like I've already said, if we spend too much time together, hell breaks loose. It was so very near yesterday.. Phew. But somehow I managed to turn the negative thoughts into positive ones and ended up hugging her a lot. And then escaped. Erm.
Pantheism isn't one of the things you'd imagine being discussed at 3am in the bar.
The randomness of this all.
Saturday, January 03, 2004
Finland has gone insane. Last night when I was keeping Memma company in Ruukki for a few hours (had a cup of tea.. didn't feel like staying much longer because it was a slow night and the sofa seemed like a more comfortable option), everything stopped when the results of the Idols voting were on telly. The music died and everyone was staring at the screen intensily. It was so weird. I don't quite understand how and why it's become such a big phenomenon.
ps. I must admit I was happy they didn't vote Jani out. I loved his performance yesterday.
We've made some nice plans for future lately.
Plan 1: Stadia takes me in me (to study new media design), Taik takes Johanna (to study something to do with furniture, I think) and Teak takes Milla (dance pedagogy) and we all move to Helsinki together and start a nearly bohemian community where only Milla's CDs are allowed to be left lying around without covers. I like this plan, it is my favourite. However, if it doesn't work, there is always...
Plan 2: me and Emilia were talking about how we miss the certain innocence you had when you were 14. You know, when a member of opposite approached you just blushed and had to turn away and things like that. We decided to try that again (starting tonight). If someone tries to talk to one of us, the other one has to speak for her. Example conversation:
A Very Nice Man: Hello.
Emilia: *blush*
AVNM: What's your name?
Hanna: Oh, she's Emilia. *giggle*
Emilia: *giggle*
AVNM: ??
Hanna: She's the bestest of my very best friends!
AVNM: I see.
Emilia: *giggle*
AVNM: Um, would you like to dance?
Hanna: Sure she would!
Emilia: *shakes head nervously*
Hanna: Oh actually she wouldn't.
ANVM: Ok?
Hanna: But she is very nice!
AVNM: Ok.. *leaves*
Emilia & Hanna: *giggle*
We continue this for the next 45 years or so and then turn into pervy old grannies. We'll live together in an old house we can't take care of, have a few cats, keep our hair short and permed and hire nice-looking young men to mow our lawn shirtless (them, not us).
This is way better than the plan of me marrying Samu after his graduation so he could support the eternal student that is me. As he wasn't too keen on that plan, I'm sure he agrees.
Friday, January 02, 2004
Emppu: what's been the best time of your life?
Hanna: Now.
From last spring until now to be more exact. It felt really good to notice and understand that. I've had some pretty good times before too but nothing like the past 8 months or so.
And while I'm doing just fine, I know several people who are on sick leave because of burn out or just going through a very shitty period. It feels wrong to be happy. And that's stupid.
Yesterday was one of the weirdest days in a long while. Pekka and Saku crashed on my sofa for three hours or so and Emppu, Emmu and me spent the time doing girl talk in the living room (after watching the Fabio video again). Can't remember when we've last spent the entire evening just talking. I hadn't even realised how much I've missed that.
The 31st, heh.. acrobatics is always nice. Ended up kicking the lamp in Milla's living room. The one hanging from the ceiling that is. And this was before I left for the bar and did the little dance perfromance with Jarkko on the dance floor.. I never knew I was that bendy. I'm not the only one though, Milla managed to do an accidental split.
Ooo, also: Mia-Elina and myself on singing mood = not a good combination. I feel bad for those who had to listen our Virve Rosti tribute duets. I also feel bad for the people who had to listen to M-E, me, Milla and Emmu singing Still Loving You. Oh well. There's nothing to be done now.
I told Emmu before 11pm on New Year's Eve that I had a gut feeling I was going to do something incredibly stupid that night. Man was I right.. What my guts didn't tell me was that instead of one incredibly stupid thing, I did several incredibly stupid things and some less but still very stupid things. Great start for 2004. I'm a bit emarrassed to show my face in public again. Hmm.. Nothing I haven't done befire or couldn't cope with though..
Yesterday I really, really wanted to hear GotR's Mad Brilliant. Don't know where the hell that came from.. I was almost desperate.
Mmm, tea.
Edit: we rented View from the Top.. Once again I was completely unaware of Marc Blucas being in it.
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