Tuesday, September 30, 2003
More of my "just when you think" apforisms: Just when you feel like you've lost one of your best friends due to your own laziness, they send you a long letter. Inka is a gem.
What does green symbolize again? Envy and hatred? I picked my clothes today without giving them too much thought because I overslept again and when I got to school, I realised I wasn't really in the mood for the ones I'd taken. Then suddenly there's Kari saying "Black and green? This can't be a good day." Hmmm..
Went to the music library today in search of a few CDs that were not there. Instead I got Supperheads, Stray Cats and Niko Ahvonen ( I still haven't bought the third album, shame on me). Now, what does that say about me?
I haven't really even thought about Supperheads since I was 14 but I sort of stumbled onto two of their albums today and I just had to try one. I remember the short phase when I thought nothing could be better than Candidate. And would you look at that, the song still makes me smile.
I really need to start proof reading these posts, all those typos make me blush. I just never can be bothered. And then my over-usage of the word "just" would probably start bugging me. Whatever.
Ooo! Forgot to write one thing yesterday. I visited Suvi a few weeks ago and we talked a lot about music. As she knew basically nothing of New Kids on the Block and also her knowledge of the early songs of Take That was rather limited (still the question remains: how do I know anything about Take That? I always hated the group.), I told her I'd have to play some important songs for her. And yesterday I did. I can't believe it! After all these years, I've finally found a person who understands the beauty of Donnie singing "I Need You" on Hanging Tough! Eeeee! It's the cutest thing I've ever heard, mainly because it's such a desperate attempt.. the man has no shame. But I swear, if anyone ever sings that song to me, I'll do whatever they want me to. Save some icky things.
I'm thinking of making zucchini soup tomorrow.. mmm.. I could also try asparagus soup this week. Everytime I have to say asparagus, I'm tempted to say it twice in a row.. asparagus, asparagus. Let's all play the vegetable game.. :)
Monday, September 29, 2003
New layout. Or non-layout. Temporary thingie because I didn't really like Nicole. Took me about 15 minutes altogether. Wheee.
Today's been much better. The longer I sat on the train in the morning (meaning the longer I slept), everything started to look brighter. Also, food really is the key. I can't believe how I forget to eat most of the time nowadays. Me! But really, yesterday's posts are so angsty I'm ashamed to confess they're mine. Eeep.. I did have good reasons, though. Today I poured the contents of my head all over Suvi (metaphorically speaking - luckily) and now she's pissed off for me, I don't have to worry about anything anymore.
We put the grr in grrl.
What still annoys me though is my phone. I'm far too dependant on it. I think at least three people just skipped answering to my text messages the past weekend and it seemed like the end of the world. Today I went food shopping and left my phone home on purpose. I felt better instantly.
But my phone has its good sides as well, I can't deny that. I've been receiving silly little text messages all day (birthday messages and such) and each and everyone has been welcome. Aippi & Mikko's messages were my favourites though.. just when you think nothing could be worse they appear with their bad sense of humour. "Do you take a bun? You take a bun." What? It's just the big mystery that is Mikko's brain.
I went to see Identity yesterday after all (ooo.. loved it, John Cusack has re-gained his position as a cool actor in my eyes..). First I went out to the same place I went last Sunday and took my CD player with me. I walked around a little and listened to my special little song (many people know I like it but not many - if none - know exactly how important it is for me). The soothing combination of a river and right music can do wonders. So to the movies I went. And to Milla's afterwards. We had the most interesting conversation while we ate our salads.
Her: Mmm.. if Samu asked you out, would you go?
Me: No.
Her: Would you even consider it for a while?
Me: No.
Her: Well, if this-and-this person asked you out..
We then decided that we might go on a date with some people just for the fun of it even though we wouldn't really consider a proper relationship with them. It was the most useless chatter but exactly what I needed.
It's almost 11pm and I still have loads of homework to do.. argggh. Nothing difficult, just annoying. I wish everything could just be lectures.. sigh.. :|
Oh, my new favourite photograph. Taken by Emppu (my head on her lap, Emmu's on mine) on the last weekend of August. Miss the hair.. I wish it would've stayed like that but it always turned boringly orange after a few days. Shame really.
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Didn't work. Seeing Ippe was nice but she wasn't able to fix me. What a day.. poo. I was planning to go to see Identity today but I don't think I'll be able to concentrate or even stay awake. I wanted to phone Samu and ask if he happened to fancy a cup of coffee (or tea in my case) but I can't even pick up the phone now. Maybe I should eat. Now that's a thought! And why am I blogging this? Meh.. I could just as well use my creative energy and write my diary for Bruce's class. But I can't be bothered.. A walk outside sounds like the best plan. I'm trusting next week will be better.
Have I ever mentioned how I have the best dad in the world? Well, I do. And he gave me two tea pots.
I'm listening to Karma Killer and No Regrets again. A really bad sign. I'll be seeing Ippe in a few minutes. Maybe she'll be able to fix me.
Just how pathetic can I get?! I was having brilliant time yesterday with my friends, having a laugh and taking lots of funny photos. Everything was all good until suddenly everything was just all fucked. Really. I went to the loo and kicked the wall as hard as I could (extremely smart as now my foot hurts quite a bit) and then some moments without any reason started crying. I did want to and really didn't know why it was happening but the tears just forced their way out. Luckily I had Johanna and Samu to take care of me and my little depression fit passed soon. Not entirely, but at least I could see other people and pretend to feel good.
I feel like such an angsty teen. Augh. I told everyone I was going home about bazillion times and then in the end, I was the last person to sit on the park bench again because the thought of going to sleep was too distressing. So there I was, listening to Juha playing a harmonica. Which was nice even if he wasn't really mastering in it.
This morning is better again though I am embarrassed. Very embarrassed. I will grow up. Eventually.
I got a new battery for my phone from mum and Jussi. Muchos appreciated that one. I don't really care for presents in general. I mean, of course I like getting them, I can't say that but the fact that Emppu, Emmu and Katri all showed up yesterday saying they haven't got me anything didn't really matter because they showed up and that's the most important thing anyway. One good hug is worth of 20 great presents says me. I did love the little booklet I got from Memma and the card Samu gave me as well as the flower thingie I got from Johanna (I'm sure I will kill it though).
Emppu and me decided we will now meet men who actually like us and also act nice towards us. Things to do before we turn 60. The frustration of teen crushes has finally taken over.. I'm sure we can convince Johanna to support and follow our new goal as well.
Of course there is always Juuso who did try to hit on me yesterday (very seriously, naturally.. ha) but I told him it won't happen until he metamorphoses into Colin Farrell. :)
Suddenly I find that sadly hilarious and I laugh. This nails it. I need to sleep more.
Saturday, September 27, 2003
How depressing. I just checked my e-mail and found 52 new messages. 1 announcement I've been added to the Echo ry mailing list. 2 chain letters. 49 spam e-mails / mailing list digests I don't read. Hm.
Mum, dad and Milla gavce me a hairdressers appointment for my birthday. I just got back.. gone is the reddish-orangeish-nothingish look. I've gone back to dark brown. Maybe it's because winter's getting near.
I ought to be getting ready really.. putting on make-up and choosing clothes. But I can't be bothered. And now I write even though I have nothing to say (a lie: as a matter of fact, I've got lots to say, I just need to process it properly in my head first --> it'll never appear here). Milla and Johanna(s) are throwing me a princess party and even though I am somewhat excited, I feel more like napping right now (then again, I always feel like napping because sleeping is fun).
Am I allowed to interfere with other people's drinking habits? Lately I've noticed that I know several people (not just one or two but really several) people relatively close to me that seem to have at least minor problems with controlling their drinking. And now I don't know what to do. I don't want to lecture or appear too strict (and really, sitting in the bar every weekend, I couldn't judge). All those people are smart and nice and all that shite and I hate to see how they're on their way to throwing their lives away. I've witnessed one person close to me do that and I really wouldn't want to go through it again. Nor do I wish it for anyone else. Blagh. Half of me just wants to walk away and let them find their way out themselves. The other half of me wants to give a nagging pep talk and hide all the beer and vodka bottles of the world until they come to their senses.
We shall ponder this.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Why is everyone so angsty?? Memma and Ippe have been angsting for a while already (and I know and understand their reasons). Same goes for Emmu. On Saturday, Matti and Samu were so angsty I somehow picked it up. My angst only lasted a few hours, though, so it didn't matter. Yesterday Heidi was the Angst Girl and I tried my best to cheer her up but I'm not fully convinced I succeeded. Aaaargh! I love my friends but jebus, I want to be surrounded by shiny happy people holding hands!
Today was the first time ever Ville Pusa's En solig dag didn't sound like the most ridiculously cheery song of the millenium. I still can't say I liked it too much.
The latest episode of My Exciting Life: couldn't wake up early enough and now am in a hurry again. Well, not really. I just had to skip tidying up my room and other such things. I'm doing laundry though. Woke up early enough for that.. luckily. Right now I'm wearing a shirt I haven't worn for years, mainly because it's a tad bit too small.
If I left on Thursday, Henna would be on the train with me as far as Kouvola.. and that would be very nice. But I don't know. I have to see if I can get a seat near hers as she's already bought a ticket.
I dreamed that I had been given this "small" scolarship which meant 535 euros a month. Then I woke up. What a disappointment.. I could've taken that money. I'm still waiting the decision of this scolarship thingie actually. Unfortunately it would be only 100 euros a month or so but that would be a lot right now. I hate this student budget.. today on the menu: porridge! Hooray! And Hesburger around 5pm because me and Suvi thought it would be a great way to get through the day, which is classes from the morning until 9pm. Well, not for me. I'll have from noon to 9pm because my written was canceled.
Ought to e-mail Emmu. And pay the rent. Sigh. All that money, drifting away..
Monday, September 22, 2003
I actually quite happy at the moment.
I know I've been talking a lot lately - and not just a lot, non-stop more like - and that's usually a good sign. I also can't stop smiling and have this stupid grin on my face wherever I go. And then yesterday I went to this place where I used to go all the time when I was having issues of any kind and then realised it was the first time I went there alone so that I wasn't feeling miserable and then suddenly it occured to me that I really am happy and content at the moment. Then I started to cry (figure that) and then stood there in the middle of all the autumn leaves and before I knew it, I was singing. I mean really singing, properly and on the top of my lungs, not just humming or anything. I can't even remember when I last did that.
I don't get me. But maybe I'm not supposed to.
Even mum's noticed my newly found happiness. And that's saying something because back in the Great Depression she was completely clueless, and really, there were signs. Lots of them.
But back to happy things. I love this time of the year. It's my favourite. I love the leaves getting red and yellow, the air getting cooler, everything's jsut so beautiful. It was raining last night when I got back to Joensuu and everyone else was going "oh nooo.. it's raining.. so annoying, now I will have to take the bus." but me? I had that funny little smile on my face and was wondering wheter I should walk the 6 kilometres instead of taking the bus because the rain was so lovely. Took the bus but only because I was tired. A hopeless autumn romantic I am.
Considering the fact that all my friends were supposed to be away from Karkkila for the weekend, it was a rather eventful two days. I saw more people than I sometimes do in two weeks. It was great to see Memma properly again, as well as Ippe. I love E+E to death but now when they weren't there it seemed like I suddenly had so much more time for the others. I'm still looking forward to seeing them next weekend, though.
And I can't believe I'm thinking of next weekend already.. I just got back here. Hold on, what does this remind me of? Yes! "Monday I've got Friday on my mind.." Hurrah for the Easybeats.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
The front of my head looks more like a pizza than a face. When will this end? It's embarrassing to get spots at this age.
I developed my annual age crisis today again. Of course, I'd been wondering where it was since my birthday is less than two weeks away, but it was still a shock. I was sitting on Suvi's floor, talking about things and how I had my first really bad age crisis when I was turning 19 (she has her 19th birthday next month) and it got worse last year but this year it was still to come. And then, sha-zaam!, there it was.
Suvi: But it's only 21, it's not like 29.
Hanna: My sister's 29.
Suvi: Oops.
--
[talking about this random guy at school]
Hanna: And I'm older than he is!
Suvi: What? He looks so old!
Hanna: I know! And I'm older!
Suvi: Oh, but you don't look so old.
Hanna: ...
Suvi: Ooops.
Oh, but what does she know? She was born in 1984 and can't even remember New Kids on the Block properly! Pffft. :)
Despiting the age crisis, I seem to be on a surprisingly good mood. Again! This is not normal.
Partly I'm sure Virve is to blame. We've been e-mailing again and I can't believe how similar our lives are at the moment. Scarily similar. Of course, I only started my school and she's only a few years away from graduating but if we don't count that, she could almost be me. The funness of it! It's great to know there's someone who understands exactly what's going on.
Monday, September 15, 2003
Oi! Bob & Rose, what an ending. Oh dear.. I can't believe it'll be the last episode next week. No! I've learnt to love the show.
I feel so silly. The whole day I've been listening to Friday on my mind by The Easybeats. Just discovered it while I was listening to my old (very old) Flower Power CD. Anyway.. it makes me feel so cheery. Can't help but boogie around the room.. Oh well, hardly anything that hasn't happened before (actually, I know for a fact it's happened before, just last week for example).
Actually I do have Friday on my mind. It feels strange going back to Karkkila when Emmu and Emppu won't be there. During the past two years everytime I've gone back it's been to see them (and vice versa). I'm sure I'll manage though, there are plenty of other nice people I can phone up. Like Emilia, haven't gone out with her for ages. Or Pekka, if he's not working. I feel like losing him again right when we sort of re-discovered each other last summer (and spring, naturally). Or then I just stay at Milla's the whole weekend and not see anyone. Great plan.
I'm dreading that Karkkila visit anyway. I hear that mum and Jussi have turned my old room into an ugly office space. Last time it still had some of my things (very little though.. the room was so empty I was scared to sleep there, sounds strange I know) but now it's all gone and their ugly computer desk thingies (and those really are thingies) have invaded the room. No!
I'm using an awful lot of brackets today.
School from 8am to 5pm without any breaks tomorrow and I cannot cope. Auughh.. I have to wake up so early because I need to catch the 7:20 bus. I'm pretty sure the day is going to kill me. But I shall be brave and try. And then sleep through "introduction to English studies". It's a bore anyway.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
What an interesting day. The Big Event of the day was when an old lady started talking to me at the bus stop when I went to return 200 Cigarettes (loved it). She's the only person I've talked today, apart from Miia. We just had the most interesting conversation..
Hanna: What are you making?
Miia: Fries.
Hanna: Smells nice.
Miia: Mm.
Hanna: Umm, is it your turn to buy toilet paper?
Miia: I don't know whose turn it is, but let's say it's mine.
Hanna: I bouhgt it last week.
Miia: Oh, then it is my turn. How late is Siwa open? Nine?
Hanna: Yeah, no panic.
And that's it.. at this speed, I think we might even know each other's birth years by December!
Not that I'm complaining. It's been nice to have two whole days for myself only. I've slept a lot, went to bed early and wqoken up without alarm clock and the best of all, without a slightest hangover. Can't even remember when all the three have happened together last time. It's been worth it.
I did get a bit homesick last night though. Emppu sent me text messages from the bar, the one at home, and just babbled what's happening and I very much wanted to be there. Then I fell asleep. Which was nice as there wasn't even anything on telly (I missed the beginning of all the movies), apart from censored, dubbed porn. Hanna: "let's see what's on telly.. oh sweet cheese." Hanna ten minutes later: "why am I still watching this?"
Random note of the day: Billy Boyd's got a very straight nose. It's like unbelievably straight. It's not natural.
I wanted to know if I'm worthy of Rupert Grint but the stupid quiz won't work. Now I'll never know! Blast.
So I took the "Is He Into You?" quiz instead. Apparently "possibly maybe he likes some stuff about me but hey maybe my guy is just hard to read eh?".. Now all I need to do is to figure out who "my guy" is. Hurrah!
How I love mocking bad Quizilla quizes..
I wonder if I should go out for a walk and try to find a life on the way?
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Your pirate name is:
Dirty Anne Kidd
You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!
That was a laugh. Couldn't resist taking the quiz..
But if I see one more Jack Sparrow or Johnny Depp layout, I'll finally lose it, I swear (I've seen quite a few today.. just went through about bazillion websites when adding 145 new members to Eternity). I hate the fact he's become a teen idol. Now all the Justin Timberlake Teenyboppers with glitter in their eyes have Johnny posters on their walls. Arrggh.. let me keep my favourite actors, you already stole Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire!
I just mis-spelled the word "Johnny" twice. Jebus.
I was just reading through the March 2002 archives (don't ask me why, I wouldn't know). When did this blog get so serious and boring? I used to have fun talking about having babies with Sean Astin and stuff.
How thick can you get?
I thought I knew what was wrong with my computer and tried to fix it with no success. So I phoned the repair thingie and the guy came by yesterday and was like "I guessed it would be this". It turned out that I was right all along, fixing the thing took him about a minute. And I was so embarrassed. Sigh. But the main thing is that my computer is now working and I was able to install the net connection - that's another entertaining story that one.. but this time I didn't need any help. Go me.
But once again it's been proved that great minds really do think alike (if I am a great mind then my dad is too for sure). I phoned my dad yesterday after the repairer guy had left and told him my computer was alright again. And then suddenly my phone's battery died (again - it does that a bit too often nowadays). I sent him a message saying "low battery. new one is the next thing on my shopping list." Went away for a while and when I came back there was a message from dad, obviosuly written the same time I had written mine: "i take your battery was low? i've got a new one."
Mind you, I really do need a new battery for my phone. Or a new phone altogether.
I wonder if Miia knows it's her turn to buy toilet paper? We're almost out of it.
I went shopping today. Walked around for about 2 hours and came home with 4 set of of Pirkka batteries for VCR & DVD remote controls, a chocolate bar wrapper (I ate the darn thing on the bus) and a rented 200 Cigarettes. I did try on about 8 pairs of shoes but I still remain convinced that shoes that would fit my feet just don't exist. That's too bad becuase I really need a new pair of shoes..
While my most exciting shopping trip I realised I don't have any friends here yet. Or then I do, but they're all away for the weekend.. As is Samu. Argggh. Second weekend in a row he acts like we haven't agreed anything. I know we've known each other since we were 6 and every now and then I'm convinced he's the best person on this planet but I hate when he does this so much I can't even say it. Luckily for him, I'm quite happy at the moment and not feeling miserable or lonely or anything. I did want to to talk but that's nothing that can't wait for another time. Or another person.
Still. I'm thinking of getting that shovel.
Or possibly loads of pickled pumpkin. But that might be too cruel.
ps. finally republished the archive pages.. hurrah! not that anyone, even me, reads them. It was just annoying to know there were a big bunch of broken images somewhere.
Friday, September 12, 2003
Wow. 11 days it took. I cried yesterday for the first time (here that is). I was so frustrated I can't believe it.. The Windows CD I was waiting mum to send me so that I could get the net connection to work finally arrived yesterday. The joy lasted about three minutes as I then realised my computer wouldn't start correctly .. turns out, it's not working at all. Then I pjoned about bazillion people and today some guy's going to come and check it. Jussi promised to pay for it but it's still bloody annoying.
All I wanted to do was to update this weekend. Apparently, it's not going to happen.
And I honestly think I'm not going to survive this weekend.
I'm getting homesick. Nooo.. actually, more than Karkkila, I think I miss Lahti. I wish I was still there.
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Phew.. I wonder if the reason I'm so exhausted most of the time is the fact I'm constantly trying to be extra nice? It's a fulltime job, let me tell you. I know I wouldn't need to do that, people would come around eventually and realise I'm not such a dreadful person after all. I just don't want any more "you were so scary in the beginning" comments, kind of done with those already.
I'm also wondering wheter or not I should start blogging in Finnish instead of English.. this has been a way to keep up my English but now when I know I'm going to use it every day in some form or another, I don't think it's really that necessary. And also, I've noticed that producing Finnish text is becoming more and more difficult. I don't what's happened.. I used to be so good at it, now every time I should write something my mind gets blank.
Why is it so damn hot? It feels like the air isn't rotating at all and that I can't breathe.. the school (at least) this building really ought to consider getting some air conditioning.
Random note: I want my net connection to work, damn it!
Oi.. what's that? The commentor is back! Hurrah! Not that it makes much change, nobody's commenting anyway and I don't really care. I'm just happy to see the good old "no veggies" instead of two dots under my name. Wheee. The happy days!
And why am I on such a good mood all the time? It's not normal. I want to sulk.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Blast. Net connection still not working. Hopefully by the end of this week..
I'm spending my offline time revamping LW (it's a shame I can't add any members to any of the fls, they're one big mess).. it's full of useless things and don't really like it.
Blogging after over a week of silence and the first thing I mention is my website. What a nerd.
Last week was terrible but it's getting better now. There's no problem watching Clueless cannot solve ;) No, really. There are things taking me through the day, like Mikko's Johnny Hector jokes. I miss him (not Johnny Hector though). Thank goodness for mobile phones, I think I'd go nuts without mine.
If Samu stands me up again this weekend I'll beat him to death with a shovel, I swear. We spoke on the phone last Thursday and agreed (that's what I thought anyway) we'd see each other in the local bar on Saturday. I was so tired after Friday and my about 5 hours of sleep the previous night I could hardly stay awake but decided to stay because I wanted to see him. After I finally started to feel at least somewhat awake, Milla told me that Samu wasn't going to show up as he was in Turku. Nyaaargh. Oh well, it wasn't such a bad night after all. I was just extremely annoyed, I really wanted to see him.
|